"Obsessions serve to bind anxiety, to contain fears, and to keep us distracted. It distracts us from something more deeply troubling inside us. An obsessive person may be plagued by frequently recurring thoughts. These thoughts can overpower one's life by their sheer pervasiveness, deluging one’s mind many times in an hour or even in a few minutes." Obsession Wow I realized that obsession was to cover up anxiety and that you felt better when you did things or obsessive things. I just di...

That was my offical diagnosis by my lovely doc! It means that my ear is out of wack for some reason, it may last a few weeks they don't know, it may come back later the don't know, in fact they don't even know if I have that for sure... I see the world downhill all the time my sence of balance and perspective is scewed. At first the thought it was my medication depakote but they are not sure! Leave it for doctors to be not sure. They just keep running tests until they can figure out for sure ...

I found some info on my condition it is caused by the 3 semicircular canals not working sending the wrong signal to my brain. This is what is causing my world to all look downhill and causing me to be off balance. I don't get as large amount of dizzinesses described in this article But it sure is quite an impairment.

Going to see my doctor to find out exactly what is wrong with me! At first I thought I just had vertigo from going to lake powel and being on the house boat for a week. But It hasn't gone away. I'm not dizzy. Just everything always looks down hill no matter what way I turn. And the real downhill places are downright scary! I went to see a doctor he says "I think it is your depakote you are taking for bipolar disorder." So I talk with my psychologist he says "It looks like y...

Actual journal page written during my 1 week stay in a mental hospital. When I first discovered I was Bipolar. 11-14-01 10:50. Journal Think for self, Been afraid to standout to my Share yourself. Learn for myself Be a non-conformist As I got closer to my True self I woke up more and more. My life was Inconsistent before. I would wake up randomly in different places. Events were out of order. In fact if I just kept Quiet and was passive everyone would lead me around. Whe...

"Bipolars need to identify a safe obsession, something they can constructively aim their mania at so that they can constantly produce results. This would seem easy, but its not. Because of the erratic nature of the maniacal thoughts, you must find a project that has multiple venues. i.e. lots of things to explore." Quote form this Article I tend to be quite obsessive. Sometimes I think It is the only the that keeps me going. I love it. I like to spend my time in learning pursuits. I wi...

Being bipolar it is easy to become obsessed with something. Right now it is building a web page. All my time and energy gets devoted to a task. It is amazing how focused I can be when I feel this way. Verry much diffrent then when I am Manic. Mania is the state where your thoughts are racing so fast that you can't keep up with your self. Your thoughts are pinball machine in your head. Noisy, never in the same place, and boncing of things. My mom keeps getting mad at me for my obsessi...

I get wild and crazy when I am in mania have done some on things and thought some odd things. But someties the state inbetween when I'm not sure if I am up or down. I get this weird feeling Like I don't care about the world don't care about people. Not really depression but more apathy Like I just want to get away.

"Depressive people having sex with people creating a slightly depressive child. tisk tisk tisk. At this rate the whole U.S. will be 'contaminated' with depression to an extent in no time" My Brain Updated - Quote: Pulled this from one of my visitors sight. On the page they open up their mind spilling out their thoughts and filling up the page about what is going on in their head. That is kind of what I want to acheive but I must say I tend to be alot more formal in writing then in real ...

"Science, curiosity, the need to think and study and explore our surroundings- these, are long standing quests that drive us to be who we are." Read this Article When one gets depressed they loose their will to think, to study and to explore... Alot of the time I have this nagging feeling that life really doesn't matter sure at times I feel I belive in a god. At times the world makes sence. Other times I just want to say to heck with all this and give up... Just forget...

Seritonin, How strange it is that just a small arrangement of molecules in the body can determine the well being an happiness of an individual. Ones happiness it seems is not determined on their personal choices alone. Rather it is derived by a lack or abundance of a simple chemical in their brain. We naturally produce this chemical, it is only when the brain malfunctions and doesn't fulfill its mandates from on high that depravity, grief, and despair enter into the minds of men, withou...

My stomic is begging for food. My brain is hazzy. I'm so tired and why? Because I spend hours strait. Surfing the net. Blogging, perfecting my webpage! I am hungry, tired, grumpy and what have I acomplished. A few Ideas... Ok I got to eat. Be back..... Sooner than later! (Hummm...I think I'm addicted........I Can stop at any time!................Or can I?............. ........ I feel sad, anxious, living like this not good for me with bipolar Not good for anyone ...

I want to blog my life, I want to be an open book. I want to spill my guts out to the masses I need feedback I crave opinions. The voice in my head, my inner voice says, you can't do that, that is not allowed. It is wrong to let people know you have Bipolar Disorder! They will not understand. They will think you are crazzy. This is me! This is who I am. Yet it is not me and not who I am. It is only a part of me. I am such a perfectionist. I change I rewrite. I refine until I am co...