Actual journal page written during my 1 week stay in a mental hospital. When I first discovered I was Bipolar.
11-14-01 10:50.
Journal
Think for self, Been afraid to standout to my Share yourself. Learn for myself Be a non-conformist
As I got closer to my True self I woke up more and more. My life was Inconsistent before. I would wake up randomly in different places. Events were out of order. In fact if I just kept Quiet and was passive everyone would lead me around.
When I was little I learned of ghosts witches, vampires, worlocks all of the supernatural because I must have figured reality doesn't make sense. I Loved the un-explainable like dinosaurs, god, religion, the chicken-egg. Most people don't want to talk about those. I was tested for ADHD at first I was a busy active explorer but later became, shy and withdrawn.
You cant (Imagine) or (Pretend) In School. Because I thought these I stopped imagining my past or future and stopped pretending anything and just dwelt with the present. The first day that I woke up reality was very bizarre. Before that I had to teach myself and with the lords help....
September 11th shocked me horribly I felt scared and unsure. I Must of been In reality because I felt things for myself. No wait I felt bad for all of the poor people. I personally felt something. Right now I can feel sensations but have a hard time with emotion.
I wonder how much this medication I believe with doctors and psychologist help that I will be able to stay in touch with reality. I believe that medication and counseling will bring me closer to the truth. If I slip back out of reality I will probably return to my other self passive Indecisive not funny Disinterested , Unhappy on the inside , happy on The outside, afraid to do anything , Afraid to succeed yet afraid to fail. if this happens. GIVE ME THE COLOR CODE BOOK AND A BOOK OF MORMON AND MEDICATION LATER
Wade Helquist
Subconscious MEMORY + SEMICONSCIOUS= HYPOMANIA
Subconscious + UNconscious = MANIA
Subconscious + Conscious = Normal - SMART - FULL FUNCTIONING
Little Subconscious + MORE Conscious = DEpression.
ALMOST NO SUBCONScious + ALMOST ALL CONSious = Sever Depression